Get Him!
by oneiromancer242
Summary: Mistakes can be very destructive when made in a houseful of superpowered kids, and sometimes, everyone finds that out the hard way. Pure silliness.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N : That Real Life thing can be pesky, can't it? Here's a short two parter of silliness to cheer you up if you're feeling serious. Oh and Guest who asked if 'Emergence' will be updated? No it won't, it's a completed one-shot, but if you want to see more of Ruth and Rachael Maximoff then feel free to send me a prompt!**

It began with the toothpaste. Or more specifically, it began with Scott presenting himself at the door of the infirmary making frantic gestures with his hands, and Hank looking extremely confused until he had come closer and realised that the reason the boy was mumbling incoherent, panicky nonsense was that his lips had been stuck together. One good scrub with universal solvent later, Scott had been gasping and spitting to try to wash the acetone off his teeth, protesting that he knew absolutely nothing about why someone would have pulled such a dangerous prank. It was at that moment, whilst Scott was still picking superglue from his teeth, that a chorus of high-pitched screams and a muffled explosion rattled through the building.

Immediately both men charged up the stairs from the direction of the explosion, emerging onto the upstairs corridor where the girl's rooms were to be met with a scene of not destruction, but utter confusion and disgust. Several soaking wet students were crying, some were wringing their clothes out, others were merely stood against the walls looking shocked and bewildered.

"Jean!" Scott shouted, spotting his girlfriend and running over to her. He opened his arms to embrace her, surprised when she backed off a step and warded him off with her hands

"Don't!" she warned, backed off a little more, "the toilets exploded"

"So you're covered in –"

"Yes. Yes I am. We all are" she said, fury simmering in her voice, "Dr McCoy I don't suppose you happened to flush a wad of TNT today? Because I can't see any other way this could have happened"

Hank blinked at her, wrinkled his nose at the smell in the corridor, and shook his head rather stupidly at what was clearly a rhetorical question. Then he remembered he was supposed to be a teacher, and raised his voice to get the attention of the mewling students milling around like a pack of wet cats

"Everyone, go take a shower in the gym and put fresh clothes on. We'll get this fixed"

"Is that…?" Kitty trailed off, pointed outside to where the window was becoming steadily obscured by what looked like, and in fact definitely was, layers or toilet paper.

"Scott" Hank muttered, "Go get the Professor"

In a matter of minutes Charles, Scott, Hank and Erik were outside in the main drive, looking up at the proud Xavier family home, now almost entirely covered in toilet paper. Nobody had very much to say, trying out sentences before deciding that really, what could honestly be said. Eventually, Charles recovered enough to look up at his old friend and say in a low, deceptively calm tone

"Where is your son today, Erik?"

The Master of Magnetism looked affronted, took up an intimidating posture with his arms folded across his chest and glared back

"Not everything that happens here is my son's fault, you know!" he said, irritated

"Well then?"

"I… I have no idea. But you have no reason to blame him, Charles! Any of your little brats could have done this!"

At that exact moment, a strong wind whipped past the little group, and almost immediately the large, beautiful fountain in the front driveway began to froth. A smell of roses began to fill the air as piles of bubbles agitated by an unseen force built up and began to spill over the sides. Charles gave Erik a very meaningful look.

"Someone catch hold of him," Erik said, quiet despair colouring his tone.

The remainder of the afternoon was spent gathering all of the student body who were able enough to defend themselves, dividing them up into search parties, and dispatching them over the mansion and grounds in an attempt to hunt down the source of the problem. Scott and Jean stayed behind, guarding the one area of the house that they felt had the most potential to attract a little whirlwind of chaos – the kitchen. Sooner or later he would have to stop to eat, and in her present mood, Jean had absolutely no compunction about disabling all of Peter's higher brain functions in order to stop him. Scott, a little more reasonable, had mostly stayed with her in order to make sure that she didn't actually kill him.

Scott perched on one of the countertops, swinging his legs, watching Jean pace agitatedly

"I don't understand what's got into him, that's all" he said, "I mean sure, he's a pain, but all this? That's a little much even for Maximoff don't you think?"

"Maybe he's not as nice as you think?" Jean snapped back, "After all, look at his family"

"C'mon Jean, his Mom's great!"

"I wasn't talking about her and you know it" she said coldly. Resumed her pacing

"Maybe he's possessed?" Scott suggested, "Or been hypnotised, or something?"

"Maybe he's just a huge jerk and we should have seen this coming!"

Jean's head whipped round as there was a little scuffling noise from one of the cupboards. She nodded to Scott, who slipped quietly off the counter and grabbed a large rolling pin, joining her over by the cupboard door and on her count, flung the door wide. Jubilation screamed, covered her head, and tried to scramble further back into the cupboard.

"Jubilee?!" Jean asked in disbelief, "What the hell are you doing in there?!"

Shame-faced, Jubilation slowly pulled herself out of the cramped space, pulled down her skirt, held on to both elbows and studied her feet.

"You know what's going on, don't you?" Jean said, narrowed her eyes at the smaller girl, "What did you do? Did you put Peter up to this? Why?"

"No! I… It was an accident, I swear, I didn't mean to do anything! I just…"

"Whoah, Jean – back down will you? She's scared!" Scott told the redhead, laid a calming hand on her shoulder, "What happened Jubilee, what accident?"

"I've got this little pot of caffeine powder – y'know for study sessions? Last night I was studying late in the dining hall, 'cos it was quiet in there and I left it on the table and… when I got down there this morning, it was half empty" she explained, a high colour rising in her face as Scott realised the implications of what she was saying.

"It's just white powder" the girl said quietly, "It looks just like sugar"

"Are you saying that…" Jean began, aghast with horror at the thought, "he wouldn't have, surely?"

"Have you ever had breakfast with him, Jean?" Scott asked, "He pours sugar on cereal. Not sprinkles, pours. And he doesn't always look what he's doing"

"Oh no…" Jean said quietly, closed her eyes tight for a moment, shook her head, "You mean that -"

"We have a highly caffeinated speedster running amok, yes"

The redhead sighed, patted Jubilation kindly on the shoulder as if to tell her it wasn't her fault

"How long have you been hiding in there?"

"Since I found out my caffeine powder was gone," Jubilation sniffed, "I was scared I was gonna get in trouble"

"Oh wow, you have really missed some stuff then" Scott laughed kindly at her, "Jean? Can you call Hank down here? If this is drug-induced we'd better find out how long it's going to last"


	2. Chapter 2

Holding up the little pot, Hank gave Jubilation a severe look and said

"And this was full, when you left it last night?"

"Almost," the girl said, "Couple of teaspoonfuls gone, that's all. I know it's dangerous stuff, but if you only have a tiny bit it's no worse than drinking lots of coffee"

"Dangerous is an understatement. If any of the other students had taken that amount of pure caffeine they'd have had a heart attack. Caffeine is one of the most potent psychoactives on the planet. Just lucky for us that it's Peter, I'm fairly sure it's impossible to overstress his heart"

"Never mind that," Charles interjected, "How long have we got before he comes down?"

"Well…." Hank thought for a minute, scribbled down a few calculations, then said "Probably about another three hours. That is, of course, if he's stopping to eat – if not then more like an hour before he'll wear himself out and we can catch him whilst he's weakened"

"I hate to be a bore but could we perhaps find a solution that doesn't involve my son being in danger of coma?" Erik asked, arching an eyebrow threateningly at Hank, "I know your Academy is very precious but it can be rebuilt, Peter can't"

"He's right, I hate to say it" Jean sighed, "We can't wait for that – we need to somehow get hold of him and get him somewhere safe whilst he works off the rest of the caffeine. The Danger Room, maybe? If we switch everything off, he can't do much harm in there and it's big enough that he won't feel too cooped up"

"That's an excellent idea Jean, now if you'd just go fetch those elephant tranquilisers that we don't have - oh wait I see the flaw in that plan" Charles told her sarcastically, rubbed a hand over his face and sighed impatiently. If this went on for much longer, he was fairly sure he'd be rebuilding the house for the second time in as many years. Peter without artificial stimulants was enough of a disaster zone – with them, he didn't seem to have any restraint or sense about how destructive his pranks could be, and it was only a matter of time before someone got hurt.

"Maybe there's a way to knock him out" Scott suggested, turning to Erik, "can't you do anything?"

"Not without consequences, Mr Summers. I can manipulate the iron in his body and temporarily drop his blood pressure low enough to render him unconscious, but at the speed he's going, well…"

"Well….?"

"I could pull all the blood out of his body at once"

"Ewww" Scott said, then "You can do that? That's pretty cool"

"Um, you guys?" Jubilation said, standing over by a window, "You might want to see this"

Joining her, the group looked in horror at the basketball court below seeming to vibrate and shudder. They couldn't make him out, but the streak of rapidly orbiting silver just had to be Peter, running laps of the court.

"Isn't the Blackbird under there?" Scott asked. Hank nodded, swallowed hard

"He can't actually be planning to take that thing for a joyride?" Jean said incredulously, "Can he even fly it?"

"Do you think he cares right now?" Charles snapped, "Come on, all of us get down there – there has to be a way to stop him long enough to get him confined"

Miraculously, by the time they had got down to the courts, Peter was still keeping up his efforts to break it apart rather than having zoomed off to cause trouble elsewhere. Xavier looked at his students, and said quietly

"I will never tell you this again, but do whatever you need to. We have a doctor here"

Reluctantly, Jubilation braced herself, and aimed a shower of green sparks into the path of the runaway whirlwind, hoping against hope she didn't get his hair – Peter would never forgive her for that, though it might just stop him. He swerved away from the sparks, yelped audibly as he was headed off the other way by an optic blast aimed at his feet. This had continued for a few minutes, before Erik had called out to them

"Charles, Jean! Make him turn this way!"

Obligingly the two telepaths combined forces, trying to ignore the agonising pain of a mind so rapid, and pushed as hard as they could to make him swerve again. A blast of wind caught them, almost overturning Charles' chair, before there was a resounding hollow _clang!_ that echoed around the court. Then blessed silence. Looking round, the assembled students and teachers first saw Erik standing on top of a truck that had been nowhere near the school minutes before, then his son sprawled in the grass on his back, absolutely unconscious.

"Someone tie him up" Erik said, floating down from the truck, "he'll be fine, that head is remarkably thick in more ways than one"

When Peter had come round some two hours later, Hank had wrapped him up so tightly in elastic cords that he couldn't move an inch, just barely had room to breathe. His head was pounding, and under the restraining cords all his muscles burned and ached. He had a hazy memory of meeting something very large and hard head-on, but very little else – had the feeling that whatever he had been doing all day must have been fun, but an impending sense that others may not think of it quite the same way.

"Stop wriggling" Erik told him, from somewhere just out of his eye-line, "Hank had enough trouble getting a drip in you and we're certainly not untying you to fix it"

"Whu.. huh? Why'm I here?" the boy muttered, wondered why his jaw felt so painful, unaware that he'd fractured it on the side of a truck not too long ago, "Why'm I tied up?"

"Do you honestly not remember?" Erik came into view. Peter frowned at the blurry vision, crossed his eyes as if that may improve it. It didn't, "You've been tearing up the place causing mayhem all morning. Jubilation Lee accidentally drugged you, Goodness knows if you've even eaten and you're terribly dehydrated. And if your head hurts, boy then you brought it entirely on yourself"

"Causing… huh?"

"Charles is all for simply making you clean up the mess, since you weren't in your right mind. I, on the other hand do not intend to be so forgiving. You could have hurt someone today. That merits a certain degree of punishment"

Peter blinked up at his father, decided not to try speaking again since it wasn't going so well. Wondered if he was concussed, and what exactly he'd got up to that day.

"You, young man, are grounded. You will stay at the Academy for the rest of the week – no trips to town, no eating out, no bowling, no arcades. You go to class then you go to your room"

"Buh – "

"And furthermore, you will be sitting with me at mealtimes for the week. There will be healthy, balanced meals, no burgers, no pizza, and definitely no Twinkies. Do I make myself plain? And don't even think about giving me your big eyes, Boy. It's not going to work. Not this time"

Even if he had been able to speak clearly, Peter wouldn't have said anything, too appalled at the severity of the punishment to form words. Whatever he'd done, it must have been really awful to deserve this. Erik almost softened at the heartbreakingly remorseful look on his son's face, but stuck to his guns. After all, it wasn't often that he felt the need to teach Peter a lesson, but having spent the morning inwardly terrified that he'd injure himself pulling one of the stupid stunts he'd got up to, there was no way Erik was going to let this slide. He'd make sure the boy was alright for the week, spend his free time with him making sure boredom didn't drive him to distraction, get Hank to top his calories up with those vile shakes, perhaps it could even be quite a pleasant week with Peter mostly to himself, but he wasn't letting him get away with worrying his father to quite that degree.

Even if he had found toilet-papering the entire Academy absolutely hilarious.


End file.
